February 2012
1 tag
I am in a van that is transporting me to Olympia, Washington.
I just went to a drive-thru ATM with my dog while wearing fingerless gloves. Pretty sure I looked like a homeless who stole someone’s debit card.
11 tags
The thought of going through airport security brings me a lot of anxiety, but I have to do it tomorrow.
1 tag
“Proposition 8 served no purpose, and had no effect, other than to lessen the...”
– Circuit Judge Stephen Reinhardt
No matter who wins the Super Bowl, we all lose because it took place in Indiana, the nation’s worst state.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous in my entire life. In response to this, I am going to eat an entire pizza, then proceed to throw it up. After that, I guess I’ll walk my dumb dog around the block or something.
I woke up five hours ago, but I have not left my bed. That’s a good problem to have. Now, I will stop neglecting Bruce.
Thanks internet, for allowing me to share.
Somebody let me write for their zine.
January 2012
Melinda and Griffin got me presents for my birthday. Follow them.
I received my Christmas present from my dad today, one day after my birthday. It was a brand new pocket knife. I now feel confident in my ability to defend myself in black and white.
Today, I am older. Today is the day I finally end it all.
I had a slice of Oreo chocolate cream cheesecake today.
2 tags
Jamie Flam: I'll be 40 in five years.
Eddie Pepitone: WHAT? You're 35? I thought you were in your twenties. You're in trouble, my friend.
I took Bruce to hang out with his friend Juno today.
5 tags
Why can’t I just be excited about things?
Ever been in a mental state where if you allow any silence to creep in, you know you’ll fall into a pit of DESPAIR, but you can’t sleep if there’s any sound in the room? I have, and it sucks. I am right now. Music would just make it worse, so I’m listening to Professor Blastoff and not sleeping.
2 tags
Scott Aukerman: What's your favorite state?
Tig Notaro: Craziness. Hello!
tsarcasm:
i don’t understand how anyone who isn’t a rich white male could be a republican because those are the only people republicans actually care about
Poor people don’t ever want to acknowledge that they are poor. They see themselves as people who will one day be as successful as a rich white person. They see their every day life as working toward the ultimate goal, which is not...
Elizabeth Laime: Why are you so funny?
Eddie Pepitone: Because I'm in a lot of pain.
I don’t want to admit it, but I’ve been playing a lot of Call of Duty lately.
2 tags
2 tags
Paul Gilmartin: What's your target weight?
Mike Schmidt: Zero.
2 tags
Paul Gilmartin: Would you say you lack structure?
Mike Schmidt: Uh-HUH!
The internet is my father figure.
TONY IS COMING TO SEE ME.
blackbearnaps:
AND HE HAS NEVER SEEN THE WEST COAST AND MY HEART IS BURSTING OVER HOW I AM FINALLY GOING TO BE WITH THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO CAN MAKE MY HEART BURST LIKE THIS.
cheesy cheesy cheesy i know so shoot me and this dopey smile i got all over my face.
Welp.
To-do.
January 29: my 25th birthday/ Never Not Funny in Bloomington
February 9: Olympia, WA for a week
in between: crying
I listen to a lot of podcasts.
Why would you be offended by a joke?
PIPA Supporters Violate Copyright Laws, Too →
Just a heads up in case you didn’t know. You can make hot chocolate with Nutella and it’s fucking incredible. I would also like to use this opportunity to say I have Diabetes and also go fuck yourself.
“I can’t imagine my father using Yelp to find a bar to drink himself to...”
– Eddie Pepitone
“I’m the type of guy… I watch a documentary and then I get really,...”
– Eddie Pepitone
